I recently wanted to show it to a friend but was dismayed to discover it was no longer to be found on the internet. Thankfully, after some jiggery-pokery involving The Wayback Machine (a website hosted over at Archive.org), I was able to retrieve a copy.
I think it deserves to be preserved and, if you've ever entertained notions of working in the dream factory known as Hollywood, contemplated.
I hope you find it as interesting and provocative as I did.
Top tip: There's no wrong answers, so be honest with yourself.
Visit Bruce Campbell at: www.bruce-campbell.com. Also, buy his books!
To all good people contemplating a leap into the frigid waters of the entertainment industry, please read the attached questionnaire. I consider this to be a kind of litmus test for those of you with grand aspirations. Read, ponder, act...
Bruce "Mr. Know-It-All" Campbell
I aspire for a career in the film/television industry because:
a) I need a quick million.
b) I have personal problems and being rich and famous will solve them.
c) I failed as a Clinical Psychologist.
d) I've got show biz in my blood.
My ultimate goal(s) is(are):
a) To win an Academy Award © or:
___1) An Emmy.
___2) A Star on Hollywood Blvd.
___3) A trip to Disneyland.
b) To be famous. I will be famous when:
___1) I win a Peoples Choice Award.
___2) I get recognized at my high school reunion.
___3) Everyone on the planet knows and loves me.
c) To be stinkin' rich. I will be rich when:
___1) My phone stops getting cut off.
___2) I can buy medicine for little Billy.
___3) I can do a leveraged buyout of MCA and cast myself in anything I want.
d) Both b and c.
e) To be gainfully employed doing what I enjoy.
My main cultural influences are:
a) Films where things blow up a lot.
b) Nick at Nite.
I hope to become involved in this type of project:
c) Forget it, Mom will drive.
I know I am talented because:
a) Um, because my friends and loved ones say so?
b) I know it in my heart.
c) I received the "Ken and Barbie" award in high school.
d) I have an extensive resume.
I define talent as:
a) The ability to do one thing, really well.
b) The ability to be mediocre at lots and lots of things.
c) The ability to suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.
d) The ability to make my friends think I'm cool.
My unique talent lies:
a) In front of the camera - I want to act.
b) Behind the camera - I want to direct...oh yeah, and write too...
c) In front and behind the camera - I want to be a hyphenated person.
d) Behind the Auto Parts store.
I define the success of a film by:
a) How well it does at the Box Office.
b) How well it is received by the critics.
c) How hard everyone worked on it.
d) How many good-looking women/men I met on the crew.
I will be successful when:
a) I meet the right people.
b) My new Hummer arrives.
c) I own my own island.
d) I get that tummy tuck for Christmas.
e) Hell freezes over.
f) Nonsense, I am successful now.
I will fail if:
a) I don't meet the right people.
b) Failure is not an option.
c) Enough people tell me I will.
d) The odds are too great.
The market price of my soul is:
(hint: you will need to know this at some point)
a) $1,000,000 in tax-free Municipal Bonds.
b) 3 magic beans.
c) I cannot be bought! My self-esteem is priceless!
* Take this test before you ride the rails west.
Hint: There are no right or wrong answers.